What exactly does "Romance" mean to you?

Veronica and I celebrated our 25th Anniversary nearly five years ago by taking a second honeymoon to Niagara Falls. It was spectacular. It is definitely one of the places every married couple needs to visit. The whole experience was so "romantic." In preparing some information for an upcoming seminar I was given the topic of "romance in marriage". So my question naturally is "What is romantic?" After doing some research on the subject of romance I came to one startling conclusion: it depends.
You see, every person has their own definition of what is romantic. What is romantic to one person may be totally cheesy to another. What makes one woman swoon with passion will make another laugh her head off. Men are no exception. But really men are more simple because they tend to agree that anything that involves a sexy little outfit is romantic.
So for the sake of research here is what I am asking from you. E-mail me at lc162ht@gmail.com and let me know the top five things you think are absolutely romantic. Names will be kept confidential. Both men and women should respond. Thanks for helping to solve a real mystery!

Time apart

Here I am in Israel standing next to an olive tree in a mock up village made to look as it did in the time of Jesus in Nazareth. Our trip to the Holy land was ten days long. It was a trip of a lifetime. It will takes months to process all we did and saw while there. Unfortunately my wife of 29 years couldn't come with me though I really wish she had. There wasn't a day that went by that I didn't think of her and how she was doing. 

There are two sayings that come to mind about this situation: "Out of sight, out of mind" and "Distance makes the heart grow fonder." In our case I am glad to say that distance did indeed make our hearts grow fonder. It was kinda nice to come home and know how much she missed me and how much I missed her. Now I have been away on overseas trips before for the same length of time without my wife and each time the result has been the same. We realize just how much we mean to each other. How much we miss each other. How much we have become a part of each others lives. How there is something missing when the other is not present. Yet with all the longings of the heart I think that time apart is what we sometimes need because we can fall into a routine and begin to take each other for granted. We basically become an appendage and forget that we are each individuals and there was something special about each other that caused us to fall in love in the first place and distance and time apart can bring that back into focus. You see, it's not what she does for me but rather it is simply who she is and how she makes me feel when she is around. It's her smile, her laughter, her dark eyes that can see right through me. It's how she keeps me honest and grounded. It's how she makes my heart skip a beat and makes my head swim. I know it sounds like some sort of affliction but I think that is exactly what love is. I've been afflicted and I hope I never recover. It's so good to be home and for me home is wherever Veronica is.

Happy Anniversary!

Well we did it! We celebrated 29 years of marriage on October 20th. They said we were too young. We needed to finish college. We needed to wait. We didn't know what we were getting into. Marriage was for more mature adults. It would never last. I was 19 and she was only 17.

But we proved them wrong. We were and are so in love. It was our love for each other and for the Lord that has brought us this far. No, we didn't just survive 29 years hanging on by a thread. We have enjoyed the journey. In fact we have thrived and our love has grown deeper.

For better or for worse, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, till death do us part.

It's called making a commitment. Yes,we were young and didn't know much about anything but we were committed to making it work. 

This year was different than other years. We stayed at home because Veronica had surgery so we celebrated by me giving her some pain pills and just holding hands quietly. I surprised her with a camera and she gave me some cologne. When she is better we will go out to Maggianos, Carrabbas or Perry's Grille and we'll celebrate with a scrumptious meal and stare deeply into each others eyes and still see that young foolish first love like in the spring of our lives together. 

I am so glad and blessed to be growing old together with the love of my life and enjoying life one day at a time. My advice for young couples considering the plunge into wedded bliss?

For the men, make her fall in love with you again. Keep sweeping her off her feet. For the ladies, keep making him crazy in love with you. Believe in him and stand by him.

For both of you, always keep the Lord at the center of your lives. 

How many years have you been married? How do you keep the flame burning?

Speak up!

Look how sweet Burk and Noemi look? I know I am biased but both of my little girls, Noemi and Ester, looked so beautiful and all grown up on their wedding days. Almost makes me misty-eyed just thinking about it.

It is so important to tell people, especially our spouse, how or what we are feeling. Communication is vital to a strong and healthy marriage.

Now here's the deal. Most of us don't have a problem telling them exactly how we feel when we are angry or upset. In fact we probably need to learn to communicate a little less because we end up saying something that we'll be sorry for later. 

But it is vitally important to tell them how we feel when all is right. When they are doing good and when they have done something nice. Let them know it. Don't keep those kinds of good things to yourself. In fact it would be a great thing if for every bad thing we say we could say at least five nice things. 

Now Veronica and I after nearly 29 years of marriage don't have any arguments. However, the neighbors three houses down may have heard our lively discussions :)

Make it a point to express gratitude, love, joy, and appreciation to your life long love. It will go a long way to a healthy marriage and family.

Oh, and it doesn't hurt to say, "I'm sorry" once in a while too!

p.s. Look for a guest writer coming soon to this blog!

Growing closer in the storms of life

In the vows most of us exchanged on our wedding day we probably said the words, "for better or for worse, in sickness or in health, for richer or for poorer."

Of course we all hope for only the "better, richer and health" part but unfortunately life tends to deal us plenty of "worse, sickness and poorer."

In the gulf coast region we recently were dealt a heavy blow by hurricane Ike. Many have lost much and it's going to be a long road to recovery as we deal with insurance adjusters, FEMA, and other hardships.

It is during these trying times that some marriages that are already strained can suddenly snap under the pressure. Others will grow stronger and closer as they face adversity together. 

How can you tell what the outcome will be? How can we make our marriage stronger during these times of very high stress.  How can we grow closer together and not further apart?

Veronica and I have gone through some rough times and we have a few pointers to share. Whenever tensions were high Veronica and I would regroup and remind ourselves of several things. 

#1. People are not the enemy. That means that Veronica is not my enemy and I am not hers. The kids are not our enemies. The church people are not our enemies. 

#2. Recognize that there is a spiritual adversary that would love nothing more than to disrupt and destroy our marriage and family. Use spiritual weapons to fight him.

#3. Remember that we (our marriage and our family) are on the same team and we want the same things although we may want them in different ways.

#4. If we believe in each other we can face anything together with more strength than we can alone. We need each other especially during difficult times.

#5. Be patient with each other. Stress makes you say and do stupid things. Remember that and let your spouse express frustration without criticizing and judging each other. We are only human and we all make mistakes. It's ok. We are gonna make it through this.

This is by no means an all inclusive list but simply my two cents on the subject. I have much more to say but I will leave that to you my faithful readers to interject your pointers as we could certainly use them all.

Allow the storms of life to make you stronger and to bring you closer together. Somehow it seems that when we lose a lot of stuff we end up realizing what is truly important in our lives.

After the big day

Sam & Ester Puente on their big day! Look at Ester's big smile. One of my little girls. Sam has the deer in the headlights look. 

What about after the big day? You know when we wake up next to someone with no makeup. When we find out that they snore really loud and scary like. When we find out they drool, alot!

There are many surprises after the big day and it's all a part of the process of becoming one. Most times we simply become unglued!

The day before she was dressed in an expensive dress and tiara now she has her hair up in rollers, no makeup, no mascara, no perfume! Then the contacts come out. What? You mean your eyes are really not blue? Then the mud mask goes on.

Then he starts to leave his socks, shoes, and practically every other item of clothing right where he took them off. This ain't his momma's house!

And so the marriage begins....

I've been traumatized! How about you? How did it go with you the first few days after the wedding?

You've Got Mail!

Ahhh! L'amour, L'amour. 

Gabriel and Jacqueline Terrel sealing the deal with a kiss. What a beautiful couple. 

If you haven't seen "Shop Around the Corner" you've probably seen "You've Got Mail" which is a remake with Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan. 

The excitement and anticipation of receiving an e-mail from someone they can really identify with and feel connected to can be powerful. There was a time when we wrote letters, you know, stamps, envelopes. Now referred to as "snail mail." Veronica actually has several of the letters I wrote to her when we were dating and some that I wrote to her after we were married. It's kind of fun to re-read them. They are so corny. Just because you are in love you don't all of sudden begin to write like Shakespeare.

The very first note I received was in third grade from my very first girlfriend. The note read, "Do you want to go steady? Check yes or no." There was a small box next to yes and a box next to no. Wow! Third grade and I was already a heart-throb! Of course I checked yes! That's all it took and we were officially boyfriend and girlfriend. That was about it. Nothing ever happened after that day. We were in grade school and that's as far as it got in grade school. But the memory of that note still lingers after all these years. 

Say, I have an idea! How about we actually get out some pen and paper and write one of those snail mails to our spouse, put a stamp on it, maybe a little perfume and actually mail it? I bet it will make their day.