In the vows most of us exchanged on our wedding day we probably said the words, "for better or for worse, in sickness or in health, for richer or for poorer."Of course we all hope for only the "better, richer and health" part but unfortunately life tends to deal us plenty of "worse, sickness and poorer."
In the gulf coast region we recently were dealt a heavy blow by hurricane Ike. Many have lost much and it's going to be a long road to recovery as we deal with insurance adjusters, FEMA, and other hardships.
It is during these trying times that some marriages that are already strained can suddenly snap under the pressure. Others will grow stronger and closer as they face adversity together.
How can you tell what the outcome will be? How can we make our marriage stronger during these times of very high stress. How can we grow closer together and not further apart?
Veronica and I have gone through some rough times and we have a few pointers to share. Whenever tensions were high Veronica and I would regroup and remind ourselves of several things.
#1. People are not the enemy. That means that Veronica is not my enemy and I am not hers. The kids are not our enemies. The church people are not our enemies.
#2. Recognize that there is a spiritual adversary that would love nothing more than to disrupt and destroy our marriage and family. Use spiritual weapons to fight him.
#3. Remember that we (our marriage and our family) are on the same team and we want the same things although we may want them in different ways.
#4. If we believe in each other we can face anything together with more strength than we can alone. We need each other especially during difficult times.
#5. Be patient with each other. Stress makes you say and do stupid things. Remember that and let your spouse express frustration without criticizing and judging each other. We are only human and we all make mistakes. It's ok. We are gonna make it through this.
This is by no means an all inclusive list but simply my two cents on the subject. I have much more to say but I will leave that to you my faithful readers to interject your pointers as we could certainly use them all.
Allow the storms of life to make you stronger and to bring you closer together. Somehow it seems that when we lose a lot of stuff we end up realizing what is truly important in our lives.
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5 comments:
Comments to a few points:
#1. How about the in-laws? Do they count as people? Are they the enemy? :)
#3. It's humorous how we sometimes argue for the same thing in different ways and both think we are opposing each other, when in fact we are for each other. It's just a breakdown in communication ... not that that ever happens to me :)
#5. I don't even need stress to say and/or do stupid things :)
Wow Pastor Dan, you and Veronica have some very powerful words of wisdom for us all! I thank the Lord for both of you.
Marriage growth is a lot like the process of strengthening metal. Some argue that titanium is the strongest while some argue that tungsten carbide is the strongest. Tungsten carbide is the metal that is used to cut, sharpen, and shape other metals.
Anyway, the strongest metals are usually heated over and over again and sometimes other metal particles are added during the heating process to reinforce metal. During the reheating process impurities are removed that weaken metal while other metals are added to strengthen it. Likewise God uses circumstances to purify and strengthen us. Sometimes these circumstances that purify us are pretty hot and last a while. Then there's a cool down period and then comes the fire again. These hot time usually surround some kind of deep loss or sense of loss. It can be the loss of a loved one, a job, a home, a friendship, finances, health, the perceived loss of the presence of God (God's silence),loss of support networks, loss of control, lost sense of self, the list of loss is certainly lengthy so I will stop here. these losses bring about certain degrees of stress depending on the type of loss. That stress sprouts out in most areas of our lives and affects everyone around us. How the stress is dealt with will determine its affect and effect on you. How the enemy can gain control of how you think, how the words of others will be perceived by you (i.e.: judgmental, authoritative, aggressive, etc.), what words you use (i.e: defensive, isolation, aggressive, deflective, impersonal, etc.), this list can go on and on as well. Be mindful of how your reaction patterns and ask the Holy Spirit for help. I need His help all the time.
Some things that work for me are:
1. Realizing my own reaction patterns to being put in God's furnace. I know I won't initially like it or enjoy it, but I have to ask myself what lesson is God teaching me?
2. What humor is in store for me? How can I laugh at myself because I take things too seriously at time?
3. Seek God's humility for myself honestly because I usually tend to take furnace situations personally like, what did I do this time to deserve this? Is this another Job situation?
4. Pray through it with Lana and talk about it as often as needed but at a comfortable level so the situation is talked about and its strength is sapped.
5. This should be number one but I am human and not a prefect Christian, Invite God into the situation.
6. Seek out godly counsel.
7. Realize that apart from God I can't change anything correctly and I will only frustrate myself if I try anyway.
8. Sing songs of praise with Lana as often as possible.
9. Journal all my feelings and thoughts throughout the entire length of the resolution to the circumstance. It is therapeutic to write things down because it gets all of it outside of our minds where the enemy loves to get a foothold.
10. Remembering that following Christ and marriage are processes that have stages. It helps me keep the storms and fires in perspective.
If you get a change check out my blog site.
Keep us in prayer, we're packing every day and should be down there on October 15th, Gulp!! It's getting closer.
- Shalom, Frank
October 1, 2008 12:07 PM
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Thanks Pastor Dan and Franknlana for your words of advice and wisdom today. Those were some rhema words for me for sure. I do recognize the devil at work in myself lately in my reactions to things around me. I feel like a ton of bricks have been lifted off my shoulders after the blogs.I also feel as though I just came out of the therapists office! :)
check out advocate for God's blog site. I highly recommend it. You'll be glad you did. Franknlana, you have so much wisdom and insight.
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