Ok, it seems that people really enjoy talking about marriage so let's keep it going a few more days.
A nervous young man sat in my office waiting for his bride to be to show up to get married. He turned to his father and with a quiver in his voice asked, "Dad what should I do?" His father matter-of-factly and in a calm voice simply replied with one word, "Run!"
If a young couple came to you before they get married and they ask you for advice what are the three most important things you would tell them?
Let's keep it short and sweet!
Here are my three for starters:
1. Make sure they are both Christians. The Bible tells us to not be unequally yoked together with an unbeliever.
2. Make sure they understand that this is a lifelong commitment. Till death do us part.
3. Make sure they know that it's going to take some hard work to make it a great marriage but it will be well worth it.
Now it's your turn. KISS - Keep It Short and Sweet!
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12 comments:
Chenoa says....
My 3 words of advice are:
1. Always compromise with each other.
2. Always show respect
3. Always keep Christ first
Communicate.
Let it go.
Forgive.
Laugh a lot.
Make up and make out.
Chenoa says....
By the way Jonathon saw "The Notebook" for the first time Saturday and he really liked it.
KISS-Keep it short. That's something I find hard to do so I'll just say I wholeheartedly agree with everyone. If I only knew then what I know now....
my advices is:
besure he or she is a beleiver before you date
remeber you can not change he or she
do not hind anything from he or she
go to a marrage seminars
I've got to say from the start I've really been enjoying this whole church blogging thing. It helps me to get to know you all even though some of you are anonymous bloggers. It would be nice to know who you are corresponding with.
First, I think I would have them separately write out all their expectations of one another and for their marriage. Then we would sit and talk through them so everything is out in the open and whatever needs to be addressed that seems more like a fantasy can be dealt with before it becomes a marriage killing, unmet and unspoken expectation. I have found that right after infidelity (whether it be physically, mentally, or through lying), physical and mental abuse, addictions, and lack of communication, comes the dreaded and deadly highly common elements of unmet expectations. For example: think of a child longing to open Christmas gifts they've been waiting for since Thanksgiving. All the anticipation builds over a period of time with the fantasy of playing with new toys. now comes Christmas day, time to open the gifts. The child runs through the house waking everyone up because they simply can't wait any longer. Now everyone's awake in the living room. The child open gift after gift only to find each box filled with clothes (which children need right?)instead of toys. The child is devastated. He realized he didn't write his Christmas list for everyone to view and no one approached him to see what he wanted this year. His expectations of playing with toys is unmet and he is crushed. Everyone was left feeling empty because the joy of a fulfilled expectations went void. No laughter of a child playing with toys. No family members taking pictures of a happy child. No shared joy of giving to someone's delight. Whose fault is it? I guess in this case it can be all parties. The child never wrote out his Christmas list and the family never gave him their time to ask what he wanted. Think of this how something similar like the expectation of one spouse wanting children later top find the other never wanted them. It can be devastating.
Second, I would give them a six month gift (12-18 sessions) of couples counseling (premarital counseling). A lot of couples go into marriage with only 4-6 counseling sessions with a pastor, usually, just before they get married when everything is rushed through. Although the pastor can accomplish a good deal, there may be many topics never ever covered and considered. This can make for a very rough first few years of marriage.
Third, I'd have them write out what kind of spiritual legacy they'd like to pass on to their children. This gives them concrete spiritual goals to be working "together" on throughout their marriage. Spiritual purpose and goals in marriage are a necessity and what a blessing it is to see them fulfilled together!!
Franknlana- Do you attend faith Assembly? I believe Pastor Dan's job might be in jeopardy. You are almost like a Pastor,a pyschologist,and a marriage counselor, all rolled up in one. You have alot of good advice to pass on to others. Thanks for taking your time to blog.
Since Franknlana didn't follow the rules and KISS-keep it short and sweet...I won't either :)
I read somewhere that the key to succeeding in marriage is not finding the right person but it's learning to love the person you've found. Sustaining love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It will never just happen to you. You can not find lasting love. You have to make it day in and day out. That's where we get the term "labor of love."
P.S I like thetruthandyouknowit's list alot...I'd add one more to it...patience
I was trying to remember who Frank from the picture next to his blog named reminded me of. It has bothered me for days. It just now came to me... Joe Esposito. He was Elvis Presley's best friend. Not that it matters. Just some ghee whiz info :)
Monica, in answer to your question we do not attend Faith Assembly as of yet. We visited in July while visiting our beloved friends Sam and Ester. Sam and I are very much spiritual brothers, a blessing from the Lord to each other. You will see us more often when, God willing, we make our move from Brooklyn, NY to League City in the coming weeks.
..... As for reminding an anonymous person of Elvis' good friend, happy I could take you back reminiscing through the years. Perhaps you and I can become good friends too.
I was thinking about "The Notebook" picture Pastor Dan posted on his blog for today. In my opinion, what makes that such an epic love story is not the steamy love scenes but the true labor of love when the hero stands by the heroine when she gets Alzheimers disease and cannot remember him, their family or their love. In the movie their children visit them at a nursing home or hospital setting and they tell their father to come home, they miss him, it's crazy for him to live there...she doesn't even recognize you. He tells his children...look guys, that's my sweetheart in there. I'm not leaving, this is my home now, Your mother is my home. At the very end (in a brief 5 minutes when her memory comes back)the heroine asks her devoted husband...Do you think that our love can create miracles? he says yes...she asks, Do you think our love can take us away together? He replies, I think our love can do anything we want it to... he lays down beside her in her bed and they hold hands and then they pass away together....BIG SIGH!!!!
The whole romance of the story is in the labor of love. It didn't matter if she knew he was there or not. It mattered to him that he was there. Till death do us part...in sickness or in health. We all want to know that our spouses will be there for us no matter what life brings.
Chenoa says...
Well Frank and Lana my husband and I cannot wait to meet you guys. We were on a 3 week vacation when you visited Faith. Sam and Ester only have wonderful things to say about you both.
My name as you can see is Chenoa, my husbands name is Jonathon, and we have a precious 2 1/2 year old son named Nathanael. We all are looking forward to you both joining our Faith Assembly family.
1. Make sure you are ready (don't rush!)
2. Make sure you continue to date after you get married.
3. Concentrate on self-LESS-ness
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