Here are the five commandments for Husbands:
1. Assign top priority to your marriage relationship.
2. Dare to talk, give praise and reassurance.
3. Listen without feeling the need to solve the problem.
4. Avoid criticism.
5. Remember the importance of the little things.
6. Buy yourself a motor scooter. (just checking to see if you were reading).
Yesterday we received several comments but all from wives. Let's hear from the husbands this time. I know they are scared or is it scarred? but I challenge you to add your insights to today's e-devo.
We can have a great marriage!
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10 comments:
#6 You rascal
One of the things I struggle with and most likely the majority of men too, is trying to solve everything. One of the things that helps me is I had to realize, gulp, I don't know everything. I am not God. I had to develop the art of listening and not immediately responding. It is during the listening that I can soulfully listen to my wife even if my initial response is to solve her problems. Listening to the outpouring of her soul and emotion and connecting with it as my own, is much better for our spiritual bonding than if I just jumped in and tried to fix it all. Sometimes my trying to fix it all makes it even worse because I never took the time to feel and live in in her pain. The problem may be fixed but the hurt and pain are left fester. Our spiritual bond now has a gaping spiritual hole that just gets wider every time I don't join her and listen..... What fills that gaping hole is more harmful than fixing the problem. That hole can be filled with love relationship separation, isolation, anger, loneliness, gossip, crushed emotions, the feeling of my feelings don't really matter to him therefore I don't really matter to him, emotional and spiritual apathy, depression, an active fantasy life, a hardened relationship with God, a withdrawal of affection....... wow, I guess I'm running on a bit. Anyway, I'd say the two things Christian men, as priests of their homes and the image bearers of God, need to learn are active listening and emotional joining. If it sounds like psychology it is but more importantly, it's biblical. Just read the account of Jesus and the raising of Lazarus from the dead in John 11. Read how He joins the emotions of Mary and Martha by listening to their pain and then crying. He was deeply moved. He didn't rush to the grave and resurrect Lazarus right away (solving the problem), He listened and joined them in their pain. He felt what they felt. The He spoke, but He spoke to their soul's concern. He spoke life and healing to them. Then, in His time, the problem was resolved. It's always best to leave the problem solving to God. He does everything perfectly...... Have a great day in Jesus everyone.
One of the things I struggle with and most likely the majority of men too, is trying to solve everything. One of the things that helps me is I had to realize, gulp, I don't know everything. I am not God. I had to develop the art of listening and not immediately responding. It is during the listening that I can soulfully listen to my wife even if my initial response is to solve her problems. Listening to the outpouring of her soul and emotion and connecting with it as my own, is much better for our spiritual bonding than if I just jumped in and tried to fix it all. Sometimes my trying to fix it all makes it even worse because I never took the time to feel and live in in her pain. The problem may be fixed but the hurt and pain are left fester. Our spiritual bond now has a gaping spiritual hole that just gets wider every time I don't join her and listen..... What fills that gaping hole is more harmful than fixing the problem. That hole can be filled with love relationship separation, isolation, anger, loneliness, gossip, crushed emotions, the feeling of my feelings don't really matter to him therefore I don't really matter to him, emotional and spiritual apathy, depression, an active fantasy life, a hardened relationship with God, a withdrawal of affection....... wow, I guess I'm running on a bit. Anyway, I'd say the two things Christian men, as priests of their homes and the image bearers of God, need to learn are active listening and emotional joining. If it sounds like psychology it is but more importantly, it's biblical. Just read the account of Jesus and the raising of Lazarus from the dead in John 11. Read how He joins the emotions of Mary and Martha by listening to their pain and then crying. He was deeply moved. He didn't rush to the grave and resurrect Lazarus right away (solving the problem), He listened and joined them in their pain. He felt what they felt. The He spoke, but He spoke to their soul's concern. He spoke life and healing to them. Then, in His time, the problem was resolved. It's always best to leave the problem solving to God. He does everything perfectly...... Have a great day in Jesus everyone.
These five commandments are the liberal values from 60's. Women are supposed to be subservient to husband, take care of kids and take care of the house. Today's wife's are too busy with soap opera's, tv shows and gossip magazine. These commandments are just conspiracy from liberal right to justify the laziness of today's housewife.
Hey Frank,
I appreciate your response but what exactly are you trying to say. For e.g. if my wife has a stomach ache, should I just hold her hand and yes honey and sigh. Or should I try to get her medicine to alleviate her pain.
Okay, Pastor Dan...I know you asked the men to respond today with their thoughts... but I just can't sit and say nothing to anonymous 1.
Anonymous 1...Hello! Are you kidding me! What kind of response is that? First of all...The picture of Ward Cleaver and the Leave It To Beaver family doesn't necessarily go with the 5 commandments for husbands. It's just a picture of Ward Cleaver and his family. Leave It To Beaver was a 1950's and 60's family oriented comedy show that portrayed the ideal suburban family life. The points Franknlana made go hand in hand with the 5 Commandments for husbands. They are not liberal values from the 60's to justify the laziness of today's housewife! Ladies where are you? You know..the world we live in would be a much better place if more men would stand up and be the kind of father Ward Cleaver is. I bet you don't listen to your wife like Franknlana spoke about. You might want to read John 11.
Maybe we need to go back and read Eph 5:22-33. I am pretty sure that God places the standard in this passage on how we should treat our wife. But I think there is a balance of serving and doing (not so much fixing) that God requires for us to do.
Perhaps you miss the point friend. If you take the time to read John 11 you will see that Jesus met the physical need after he met the emotional need. Jesus always listens and talks before He takes action when a need is presented to Him.
If we are all believers, we should follow biblical principles outlined in Scripture.
If my wife had a stomach problem I'd ask her how she felt and what she'd like me to do for her. Just like Jesus would. Then I would take action unless of course she was unconscious or bleeding profusely and need to go directly to the emergency room.
I read in one of the "better marriage" books a long time ago that men are problem solvers. I know that if I present a problem to my honey, I have to listen to how he'll solve it...or how I should solve it. He's a guy, it's what he does. It's the price I pay for the ability to whine about stuff, discuss stuff, vent about stuff. I think long and hard before I approach him with my problems ~ ha!
Sara
Anonymous I am appauled at what you said! Have you been a stay at home Mom b/c it doesn't sound like it. I am a stay at home Mom and I will tell you that my husband has said that he would never change jobs with me. He appreciates what I do for our family and I in turn appreciayes what he does. I am not lazy. My house is not always spotless and the dishes are not always done and dinner is not always on the table when he comes home but I am (along with ALL of the stay at home moms I know) are not lazy!
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